You will now start hearing me cry about my boyfriend. All kidding aside - I think I might have lost navy in the last month.
Navy came to where I live after we started dating. He came, had a few friends from before the move, and luckily - they were intertwined to my friends which made us all one big happy family. I trusted this group of friends, and while I was on my own studying and he was out with them I had no doubt in my mind that navy was doing his own thing. I had a trust with him that never made me question anything he was doing.
Then when I went on a recent trip (lasting a month and a half) navy changed. It started with a fight he picked with me. He told me that a girl on his softball team was also dating a medical student (2 years) and how their relationship was breaking, and that it was due to the long distance. He became defensive and stubborn - a side of him I'd never seen. Up until that moment navy and I had probably had maybe 3 huge fights in the span of 9 months. After that date - they became more regular.
I started to place blame on the girl he'd spoken to after seeing her facebook picture and realizing she was a cute little blonde. (I have had bad run ins with cute little blondes stealing my boyfriends). I tell navy of my wandering mind, and he assures me that it's nothing. Though I still had nagging thoughts in my head, I push them aside thinking that my test in making me paranoid. Then navy starts being shady with me when telling me where he's going or who he's hanging out with. Though I let myself believe I was being paranoid I met him out one night recently where he told me he was meeting a guy to watch a game - and ran into him and his new group of buddies, blonde included.
I asked him if when he lied to me he thought he was protecting me - he replied he didn't want me to know she was there because he didn't want it to be awkward.
It hurt my pride that he lied to me to hang out with said girl, since I've been so careful as to establish trust between us, not witholding anything from him. It also hurt because he knew I had weird feelings towards her before - and now I definitely have weird feelings about her seeing as to how my boyfriend will lie to me about hanging out with her.
Though I trust that navy would never cheat on me, it doesn't mean that he might not like this other girl - who is blonder, a bigger partier, goes out vs. stays in, has a job, etc, and that he might see something in her more appealing than me - his hermit of a girlfriend who still has almost 5 years of schooling left in her.
Regardless his attitude towards me has changed in little ways. No more long talks we use to enjoy, no more cute e mails, no more fun date ideas, nothing - now, more snapping, annoyed glances and bickering.
I feel that because I put my education first, I've lost him in the process - if I had gone out to see his softball games, saw him more that one day a week, if I had been a little different these past months - maybe I wouldn't be thinking this way, and maybe I wouldn't be losing him.
I'm waiting until my test to see how we are after. But this doesn't look good, and I'm sad when thinking of what may come.
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