Birthday

I am trying very hard not to let my jealousy get to navy. I asked him not to call me after the break up and I haven't contacted him. I don't want to play games with him, and I'm good at those. Sometimes my pride steps in and I just want to win. I want to make sure it's me they always want... and that sucks. It's not right, and it's not fair - I know it, and I'm trying not to let it happen.

But his birthday is coming up, and I do love him - though I'm not in love with him, I care about him a lot. I've been debating contacting him. Just because it'll open up a bottle of worms that I don't know if I want or am ready to clean up. I want him to forget me in a way and find someone else, but I want him to understand I care about him, a lot, and although we're not speaking at the moment eventually, after I'm past all this, I want a friendship.

I've decided a text message is the best method.

Now the context of the text message is a biggie. There are variations I can send...

1. Happy birthday
- non personal, no emotion, and may seem like i'm just sending it to send it
2. Happy birthday dimples
- more personal, pet name may be taken the wrong way, or may make him smile, shows i care
3. Happy birthday dimples, love you
- games. games games games. how I feel but will definitely cause drama. May or may not get a response... but shows that i still care about him.

I'm siding with 2, but I keep wanting to send 3.

I suck