It's about that time

I made a twitter for the blog:
http://twitter.com/ywyk

Only I'll probably never link here. I'm probably just going to use it for the random asshol-ish things that come to my mind I wouldn't want anyone who actually knew me to know I was thinking. Kinda like this blog. The crazy me I hide from the world.

In other news, mother nature brought me a little gift one week early, and suddenly once my hormones stopped raging, I stopped fixating on bloviated as much. Excuse? Maybe... but I'll take it. I didn't like how crazy I was last week. Reminded me too much of my high school crushes on boys who never knew my name.

Also, I passed the boards I took earlier this year, and my next ones are a couple of weeks away. I should be studying.

-me

"Hi."

I sat there speechless staring across the room at the most captivating stranger I'd ever encountered. No words were uttered as a smile formed on my lips, and I saw them mirrored on his. A hand was raised in a gesture of acknowledgment and returned in turn as I took in his face. I let my eyes travel from his familiar blue eyes, down his sunkissed nose to the dimples piercing each cheek in turn. I'd noticed them before, but not like this. They were the same, yet different. An entity all their own, drawing your attention to his perfectly formed smile; one that radiated warmth and recognition, with the edges raised only enough to help elevate the smile back to his eyes.

As the silence continued I realized he was watching my scrutiny with mild amusement, and I immediately averted my eyes. Warmth crept up my neck and flushed my cheeks as my nerves started to give way. I quickly diverted my attention to my friend and her endless ramblings about her boyfriend and their perfect relationship. I forced a smile and gave my responses at the appropriate times, all while quickly glancing back in his direction. He now seemed preoccupied with his hair, and after noticing it, so was I. It was perfectly messy, landing with precision into a layered tangled mess no matter how many times his hands ran through it. The motions of his hands were mesmerizing as he flipped his dark blond hair from one side to the next, unaware of how ineffective his movements were from altering each strand from it's predestined home, and how effective they were instead of drawing my attention back to him. He looked up again noticing my gaze and held it.

"Hi." he spoke smiling, shocking me with the familiar voice I'd come to associate with warmth, security and friendship, "Hi." I grinned back nervously, "I've missed you."

A fresh start

When I started medical school I was a different person. I went out more and I had less responsibilities. Over the years I changed, and I think my friends at the time either stayed the same, or I saw them in a new light.

I have pretty much given up on most of my friends. It saddens me, but I think I put effort into the wrong people. I'd like to think I'm not a quitter, but when it saddens me to stay around certain people... enough is enough.

Here are some reminders to myself so that I don't make the same mistakes with future friendships:

- Shit talking, not ok
- If someone is rude/disrespectful behind someone else's back to you, be assured they're the same way with others regarding you.
- Stop divulging too much information out about yourself, and attempting to help people when it's obvious they're using you.
- Make people work for your friendship... remember it's a privilege.
- Stop being so dependent on people.
- Friendships don't have to be strained all the time, usually... it just flows.
- Never personally attack someone in a fight, discuss feelings, but personal attacks end friendships.
- Walk away when someone personally attacks you, they'll probably do it again.
- Never burn bridges, you'll never know who you'll need when.
- Never work to be someone's friend when their loyalties obviously don't lie with you. Acquaintances are far less demanding and emotionally confusing.
- A friendship, like all relationships, only forms when an opportunity presents itself. Act on it.

I think I have ADD... whatever I felt like venting is gone... meh
xoxo
me

Focus

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." - Romans 7:15

I read this on postsecret this week, and immediately thought about what I was doing at that very moment. I HATE PROCRASTINATING, but I just CAN'T stop!!! I wake up early every day, I sit down with my books in hopes or preparing for my boards, and NOTHING. I browse the internet until noonish, eat, and then freak out and read/take practice tests for a couple hours before procrastinating again.

I hate myself.

Remember me?

I've been meaning to write my dear blog, I really have... I just haven't had time. Promise.

Things are going well, I've missed you. I wish I could have written to you more, but there have been some complications. The most noteworthy was the death of my computer. I know, shocking. She had been so good to me. Luckily I was able to bring her back to life after four hard months in a rehabilitation center (read: repair shop) and as of yesterday we were happily reunited. It didn't even cost me 150,000 dollars like those freak people paid for their cloned dog - AND i got my original back, who needs clones... bah.

Amazing.

Anyhoo, I forget where I left off. I know I never told you about some things so I guess I could jump back there.

Navy came back. Sobbing. Literally. Drunk, at a tailgate in the parking lot outside a stadium, hiding behind a car... sobbing. I said no. Then I gave in and let him have a chance with the stipulation that he wasn't my boyfriend. He didn't like that. I'll give him credit though, he tried very hard for roughly 6 months. Last week we decided we weren't going anywhere - he actually gave up. We are trying to be friends. I'm pretty happy with the situation because it's technically what I wanted anyway. He just wasn't sexually attractive to me anymore, especially when I pictured him sleeping with other girls while he was actually my boyfriend oh so long ago. I also would get annoyed when he did anything nice for me or complained when I didn't give him enough attention because I'd remember what an ass he'd been and how he was capable of being nice and never was.

meh.

So now we're friends. We'll see how that works. I like him as a friend. Whatever.

I have less than six months until graduation... that scares the crap out of me. The second those two letters are tapped on to the end of my name there will be sooooo much responsibility associated with it. No likey.

I started writing this in the morning while I was bored and my attending was wandering about... and then bailed the second I saw her coming. It's now tomorrow and my sleep deprivation is starting to take its toll. Maybe I'll catch up more later... I just wanted you to know I was still alive.

xoxo
me