Happy new year

The unthinkable happened, I shared this blog with someone I know. She's going through something now which resembles what I went through with navy, only worse... and I figured her reading this thing might be beneficial... but I dunno if she'll actually read it.

Updates:
Rex called my a couple days before christmas wishing me a happy holiday. I was floored, as we hadn't exchanged so much as a 3 - 4 texts in the past four months, that he would contact me. Me? Of course I still thought about him EVERY DAY (what is wrong with me) and only stared at his name as my ringer went off. I didn't answer, he text, I text back... it was unsettling.

So I thought about him more. I planned on going to a neighboring large city for new years with someone I worked with, and a very good guy friend of mine who was living about 2 hours south. New years eve I wake up, and realized that unless I contacted rex at some point before leaving for my trip, I was most probably going to end up drunk dialing him and making an ass out of myself. With that small little light going off in my head, I grabbed my phone, and four months of telephone silence ended without thought and a quick dial of the phone.

I didn't even realize what I was doing until the third ring when I realized I WAS CALLING HIM, and as an after thought, he might not pick up.

He picked up, right before voicemail got to me, with probably the same surprise in his voice that I felt realizing I called him.

We talked for an hour. I told him I was calling to wish him a happy new year, he immediately started to word vomit about his life without prompting. How he was doing, how he was changing everything about him I'd pointed out in the break up, how he tried dating but "no one compared to you." I don't think i've ever been at such a loss for words. I still think about it and get shocked thinking about how it all went down. The conversation ended on a light note after he asked me questions about myself, like, if I was dating anyone, and my plans for new years.

And that was that. I called Rex. We spoke. I didn't know what to make of it.

So new years comes around... and me, who hasn't let any boy near her since rex, ends up getting shitfaced and making out with the the only guy I've been close to for the past couple of months (maybe another blog to explain). I wake up with his arm draped around me, cuddled in close. Take a moment to focus through my headache as he kissed my neck and reach for my phone.

Text message from rex: "so did your new years go off with a bang?"

...mother effer.

My response? "It was definitely interesting"

Long story short, the next couple of days were very uncomfortable. I didn't have my best friend to talk to, I had rex texting every day, and I was still in shock from the recent turn of events. In the end my best friend and I went back to normal terms after i told him that although I didn't regret what happened, I didn't think of him in that way - which he agreed to feeling as well.

I met rex for dinner the following week. I asked him about the emotionless package, I told him almost everything I've blogged about here, and I basically got my closure.

I asked him "what now"

His response? "I want to see you, as much as you'll let me. Daily, weekly, monthly, whatever you're comfortable with."

And that's where we are now... I'm still confused. I still don't think we would work with each other. And I still don't know why I think about him all the time.

I thought this stuff went away after high school.