Perfect on paper

I've met my perfect on paper man.

You know, the one that when written down and presented before you sounds like exactly what you would ever dream in finding in a man. The one you made a check list about with your best friend in 7th grade, promising if you ever found him you'd get married in a heartbeat (i use to have "be a virgin" on the list, lol, i scratched that one off).

The one who is a soon to be doctor, from the same culture, has the same interests, likes to party but isn't a big partier, who see's the big picture, knows the world is too big for him but tries to conquer it anyway, the one who loves his family as much as you love yours, knows why his past relationships are in his past, and knows that someone like you is exactly what he needs to have in his future. The one who thinks 10 years in advance, and talks about marriage as a soon to be event, not with dread like the others.

So I found him.

I found him while dating navy to be exact. I developed a crush instantly (the last person that happened with was... actually it was crazy CPE - i didn't like any of the others initially) and looked for him around the hospital during morning rounds, noon conference, and plotted how to sit near him or in a range where he would have to see me. I had a boyfriend so I didn't get too close, nor did I let my rapidly developed crush on him be seen, but I definitely got close enough so that I could keep in contact with him after the rotation ended.

He coincidentally at that time also had a girlfriend (a blonde go figure) who he broke up with about 2 months before I parted ways with navy. So while he was dealing with his break up with her, I was plotting my soon to be ending relationship with navy, and while I've been dealing with my break up with navy he's been slowly calling more, checking in more, and just seeming to be around more.

The thing that gets to me is that usually when I enter a relationship (not that i will be in this situation) the guy is gung ho after me. It's like a drug you can't get enough of. They're always trying to check in, see me, call me, do everything with me - me me me. But this guy -- not so much. I talk to him maybe once a week, he's like me - busy in medical school. He's a year ahead of me, has the same drive and ambition as me, and -- whatever he's perfect on paper.

So sometimes I want him, and sometimes I don't. I'm a very confused little girl. Today I'm post call, which means I've been in the hospital for the past 30 hours doing scut work and fending off CS. I come home, pass out, and today (OF ALL DAYS!) he decides he wants to chat me up - I'm not having it. I can't think of anything to say, I don't feel like talking, I'm happy in my lonely shitty nyc apt and the attention I've been craving from him isn't wanted at the moment...

But he's my perfect on paper, he's the only guy I've ever met and thought to myself "I could marry this guy." (yes I did freak out when I thought about something like that, but I also freaked out last night on call in the NICU when I saw the cute little preme's and though "I want one" - shoot me).

:( gah.

BTW other things I want to blog about - mini note to me
- subway stairs
- upper west side
- nyc tourists.