In an effort to save my sanity

You will now start hearing me cry about my boyfriend. All kidding aside - I think I might have lost navy in the last month.

Navy came to where I live after we started dating. He came, had a few friends from before the move, and luckily - they were intertwined to my friends which made us all one big happy family. I trusted this group of friends, and while I was on my own studying and he was out with them I had no doubt in my mind that navy was doing his own thing. I had a trust with him that never made me question anything he was doing.

Then when I went on a recent trip (lasting a month and a half) navy changed. It started with a fight he picked with me. He told me that a girl on his softball team was also dating a medical student (2 years) and how their relationship was breaking, and that it was due to the long distance. He became defensive and stubborn - a side of him I'd never seen. Up until that moment navy and I had probably had maybe 3 huge fights in the span of 9 months. After that date - they became more regular.

I started to place blame on the girl he'd spoken to after seeing her facebook picture and realizing she was a cute little blonde. (I have had bad run ins with cute little blondes stealing my boyfriends). I tell navy of my wandering mind, and he assures me that it's nothing. Though I still had nagging thoughts in my head, I push them aside thinking that my test in making me paranoid. Then navy starts being shady with me when telling me where he's going or who he's hanging out with. Though I let myself believe I was being paranoid I met him out one night recently where he told me he was meeting a guy to watch a game - and ran into him and his new group of buddies, blonde included.

I asked him if when he lied to me he thought he was protecting me - he replied he didn't want me to know she was there because he didn't want it to be awkward.

It hurt my pride that he lied to me to hang out with said girl, since I've been so careful as to establish trust between us, not witholding anything from him. It also hurt because he knew I had weird feelings towards her before - and now I definitely have weird feelings about her seeing as to how my boyfriend will lie to me about hanging out with her.

Though I trust that navy would never cheat on me, it doesn't mean that he might not like this other girl - who is blonder, a bigger partier, goes out vs. stays in, has a job, etc, and that he might see something in her more appealing than me - his hermit of a girlfriend who still has almost 5 years of schooling left in her.

Regardless his attitude towards me has changed in little ways. No more long talks we use to enjoy, no more cute e mails, no more fun date ideas, nothing - now, more snapping, annoyed glances and bickering.

I feel that because I put my education first, I've lost him in the process - if I had gone out to see his softball games, saw him more that one day a week, if I had been a little different these past months - maybe I wouldn't be thinking this way, and maybe I wouldn't be losing him.

I'm waiting until my test to see how we are after. But this doesn't look good, and I'm sad when thinking of what may come.

And then there was the long awaited reply

A friend wrote me awhile back seeking advice in his confusion over why he hadn't found the perfect woman even though he had stopped being an ass and sleeping with countless numbers of them. I stumbled across this reply I wrote him after he replied over a month later. Though his questions and replies will be kept between us, I liked what I had to say and decided to pass it on. Enjoy :)!


We (and by we I mean those like you and myself) seem to always get side-tracked easily. We tend to let that which make us an individual be replaced by that which we think will make us happy.

We sometimes think that someone or something will define us. We let ourselves date people who aren't compatible with us, because we had once found someone similar to our nature, and found happiness with them. We think that anyone can take their place, because a body
sleeping next to you, is just a body sleeping next to you. Who needs them to talk when you can make enough conversation for the both of you right?

So we date the masses, and become bored with their lack there of month after month. There are many who will take their spot because you, like I, have an amazing personality and a confidence people fear. Soon we start to see those around us as only bodies, and instead of
searching for another like minded individual, begin to shut out the world.

I shut out the world, and I did so gladly, to my studies. I had no time for men, nor the thoughts of them. I played with a couple bodies, and tried to convince myself they had minds - but eventually convinced myself it was hopeless. Around that time I met Navy. He was a body, not a mind, but I've learned he was filled with things that a mind doesn't always appreciate until it presents itself in a selfless manner. I needed what he was filled with to bring me out of whatever hole I had dug myself. Something that was kind, patient, and strong. The more I look at the mind's around me, be those in the hospital, the library, old friends, the more I can see that I would never really work with any of them.

I have a mind, and I will be the first to say I have a large competitive streak. Those that counter me will usually get a shrug as a reply, showing how much I doubt/don't care about their opinion - yet hours later I will look up the subject of interest to ease my curiosity as to whom was correct. I then looked back to all the relationships I've ever had. Non of my long term relationships had what I would consider a strong "mind". They were all smart in their own way's however, my first boyfriend could sing, my second - he had street smarts, the third... the third was a fighter and finally the current - he knows too much to list that I could never counter.

So here's my reply to you:
No, you don't want to be alone. You want to have the same happiness you feel whenever you fall into your infatuations. However, I do feel like you might be looking in the wrong places. Instead of looking at all the mind's around you - start with the body. If the body is to your liking, see what else it may hold. Don't lead the conversations to where you want them to go, let them lead you. No expectations, no regrets.

oh yeah, and if you want to have sex do it for pete's sake! You probably have enough tension to bring down the wall of china!
:) k?
like totally awesome dude *twirls hair*
me.

Classic

http://www.makehimpay.net/

Some people are so crazy! This had me entertained for awhile.

H2 blockers and Gallbladder stones

The day before thanksgiving I get an uneasy feeling in my tummy. It started right after I woke up and progressively worsened the following hour.

I'd had this type of pain before once while navy was around while we were driving back from his parents house - which ended in me pulling over, having what seemed like a panic attack (crying, gasping for air, etc) and navy having a deer-in-headlights-look on his face trying to figure out how to help.

At that time I convinced myself it was some type of horrible reflux and drank maalox which seemed to help my symptoms. Yay burping.

Anyhoo - this time the pain came back and I ended up in the emergency room... mid panic attack phase, clutching chest, and babbling on about my symptoms to the ER docs who smiled as I gave my HPI and asked what year in medical school I was in.

Was it that obvious in my delirium?

So the ultrasound showed light shadowing in my gallbladder which had them recommending more tests, but my symptoms were diminished by the use of H2 blockers which diminished gastric acid secretion.

I don't really get what that means. If the H2 blockers where what helped, then I'm really freaking out about my test and possibly giving myself ulcers. If I just passed a gallstone - that means I probably have some issues with it and will need to have it removed prior to taking my test (which is very VERY soon).

I don't have time for medical issues before my medical boards.

no bueno.

Studying...

Chicago pizza's are no joke

What I wake up to in the morning...

soooooooo cute!